So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
