my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
