I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
