Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
