If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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