wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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