GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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