Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
