can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
