I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
