u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
