I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
