I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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