after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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