Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
