i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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