That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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