why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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