I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
