Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
