Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
