They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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