Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
