Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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