i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
