i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
