It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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