she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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