hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
