she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize