he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
