Already got asked if we're dating
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
