Quick, to the slutcave!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
