Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
