Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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