A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
