I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
