Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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