Pappa wants mamma naked
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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