well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
