redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
