I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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