Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
