What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
