woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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