so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
