You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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