I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
