you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
false alarm, still single
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
