Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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