How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
