Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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