Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wear drunk well.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
