How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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