Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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