U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
