you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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