Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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