im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
