I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
