You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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