Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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