he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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