Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
