now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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